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I am apologizing for posting for the Light Bulb contest WAY TOO LATE. I was just surfing around late one night, and I missed that they needed to be in by September. Hopefully, it will simply be booted before you see it. But just incase it doesn't sorry for posting so late. You clearly had that marked. My bad!
All is forgiven -- and believe me, by this time -- forgotten.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
two.
One blue gargoyle to change the lightbulb and a red one to knock him out, hide the body and take all the glory for himself.
Okay.
Well, first of all, the contest is over -- both in the time frame when you wrote the above and in the time frame when I'm responding. Second, YIKES! Feeling a bit hostile, are we?
I'd like to thank everyone who entered (forgive me if I skip or mispell anyone):
Zach Baker
Vashkoda
Demoness
Greg Bishansky
Josh Wurzel
Goliath JD - Jack Donovan
Lord Sloth
Aris Katsaris
Blaise
DragonWolf
Guardian/Carole
matt
Airportman
Lady Mystic
Jim R.
Noel Leas
Lynati
Kelly L. Creighton/Kya White Sapphire
Amanda
Jimmy
Alex Katsaros
lefay_82
Patricia
Z
Kali Gargoyle
(the guppi)
Jon
First the honorable mentions:
matt writes...
how many gargoyles??? i asked Anubis, he said:
"the lightbulb has died, let it rest. ultraviolet or standard, 55 or 100 watt, all light bulb are equal in death. burning out is the ultimate fairness..."
Airportman writes...
How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Gargoyles do not screw in lightbulbs, they ROAR!!!
Jim R. writes...
Fang: "Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb...?"
Goliath: "Silly mutate, lightbulbs are for humans."
Lynati writes...
(Fang voice:)"How many Gargoyles does it take to change a lightbulb?
...None! They don't have time to change lighbulbs! They are too busy out harassing innocent citizens who are just minding their own business and locking them up in drafty Frankenstein cells! With no TV! HEY! DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME WHEN I'M YELLING AT YOU! ...ya creep..."
Patricia writes...
Fang: Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb...
Goliath: You mean the lightbulb died? We must have a Wind Ceremony for it. Come. (exits)
Fang: No, Goliath, wait! (signs) Man, he can't even take a joke!
Now, in second place...
DragonWolf writes...
How many Gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
"Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to berate themselves for not protecting the old one from burning out."
DragonWolf's prize for second place is highly speculative. Since the winning entry -- for obvious reasons -- could never actually be used in a script, I'm giving DragonWolf the honor of putting words in Fang's mouth should I ever get the opportunity (and assuming I don't find one I like better before then).
Congratulations!!
And finally, our winner!!!!
Aris Katsaris writes...
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: I'm home right now and the answer is in my office. Ask again later.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: Your assumptions are incorrect.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: I'm not that big in quantifying things. Lots, I guess.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightblub?"
Greg responds: What's a lightblub?
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: All things are true.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: I wouldn't want to tie down my hands and the hands of the artists in this respect.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: The world may never know. :-)
Yeah, yeah, I know it's at my expense. But it made me laugh. Aris, you da man.
I honestly don't know what you're prize is going to be yet. But e-mail me and we'll figure it out.
Thanks again everyone.
New contest coming soon.
(Which in Ask Greg terms means... someday.)
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Fang> Hey, yoy Goliath! How many Gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb huh?
<Goliath stares at Fang>
Fang> I duno either, but it must take a lot since neither Talon or his dumb replicas of you have even BOTHERED to change the lightbulb for my cell. Oh, wait, that's because you all despise everything about me <starts over dramatic sobbing> Nobody likes me, boo hoo hoo.
<Goliath turns away in disgust>
Fang> <stops sobbing> What's wrong Mr G, cat got your tongue? Hey, come back here, or I WILL get your tongue! Aw, you're no fun anymore.
Entered.
Results soon, hopefully.
"LIGHTBULB CONTEST"
Fang: "Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb...?"
Goliath: Lets see...*starts counting on his fingers* one for holding the...
Fang: Goliath...this is a joke..
Goliath: *lookes confused*
Fang: You know a joke...hahah very funny
Goliath: Ah...I see...hahaha...is that right now?
Fang: *rolles eyes* Never mind...gosh...nobody ever gets jokes anymore.
You are entered.
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
(since I just posted, thought I'd take a crack):
Fang: "By the way, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Broadway: <momentarily caught off guard by the non sequitur, starts to count to himself on his fingers> "Uhhh... one... two..."
Fang: <shaking his head and covering his eyes in mock disgust> "Oy! The world may never know."
[Thought this was a natural tie in to recent discussions about the tootsie pop commercial-- which I remember clearly from when I was a child, thank you very much-- and a rather sad attempt to combine the punchline with a pop-culture reference, but what the hey :p]
You're entered.
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Broadway: What is a llll..ighttt...bu bu bulb...lightbulb?
Okay, you are entered. If I ever -- ever -- finish the month of September, I'll announce a winner.
You're a crazy man, Greg, but you're my kind of crazy. :)
If you're still in the mood after judging the flood of LIGHTBULB CONTEST entries, i thought you might also enjoy some related excerpts from an old thread on the Gargoyles mailing list, as compiled by Marcos "Tony" Rawlings. It _does_ contain a couple of references to characters from the TGS fan project, but they aren't too hard to skirt around if you're feeling cautious. (ImHO it'd be a shame to pass all of 'em up -- some are absolute rip-snorters.) Whether you do decide to give it a peek or not, the listmembers' take on Fang's joke can be found at http://www.spottycat.com/marlos/lightbulb.html . Good luck with the contest, and happy reading?
As a matter of policy, I have to pass. But thanks.
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Fang: "How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
"I don't know, how many would it take to pound you into kitty paste?"
Entered. Thanks.
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None since screwing lightbulbs aren't part of the gargoyles way.
And you're entered. Thanks.
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Fang: Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb...
Goliath: You mean the lightbulb died? We must have a Wind Ceremony for it. Come. (exits)
Fang: No, Goliath, wait! (signs) Man, he can't even take a joke!
You are entered. Assuming I ever get through September of 2001, results will be forthcoming.
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Just one,
get it!
Uh, no, actually, I don't. But you're entered.
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
If k gargoyles can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 gargoyles will have changed the light bulb.
Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n gargoyles can change a light bulb.
Logically speaking, of course. Does this sound familiar?
Not really. But consider yourself entered into the contest.
"LIGHTBULB CONTEST"
"Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb..."
Two. One to hang from the ceiling, the other to make him angry!
Okay, it goes into the contest. Thanks for playing. Results will come when I get to the end of September submissions.
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
A team of Disney writers, artists, animators, as well as one great executive producer to make sure it gets done.
I'm not sucking up, am I?
Maybe just a little.
Okay, on file 'til I someday get to the end of September. Maybe in 2198, at this rate.
LIGHTBULB CONTEST: You may wanna close you'r kids's eyes.
Fang: "How many Gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Goliath: I have no time for these games!
Fang: 69! Get it! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
(Hey, it's Fang)
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"Hey, Goliath? How many Gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
"I wouldn't know. I have never seen it done."
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
They can see well enough since their TV is allways on.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
42.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
(...why does everyone automatically think Fang is going to have a chance to ask *Goliath* this again?)
(Fang voice:)"How many Gargoyles does it take to change a lightbulb? ...None! They don't have time to change lighbulbs! They are too busy out harassing innocent citizens who are just minding their own business and locking them up in drafty Frankenstein cells! With no TV! HEY! DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME WHEN I'M YELLING AT YOU! ...ya creep..."
chuckling
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
*Goliath blinks unphased*
"First you have to figure out how to get the old one out."
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Q: How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 10, because their so darn stupid!
(Hey, it's Fang we are talking about here)
tfp
My last post had nothing to do with Noel Leas' post. Purely original on my part. It seemed weird that we both thought of the same basic answer within 5 minutes though.
Yep. I figured.
But incidentally, if the winner comes down to two similar answers, I'm going to chose the one that posted first, even if it was just by a second.
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Fang: "Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb...?"
Goliath: "None. I can see fine in the dark. How about you?" *POW!*
tfp
Hey, Greg!
Long time, no post! I've got an idea for that contest:
Subject: LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Q: How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. Gargoyles can see well enough in the dark. ;)
Noel L.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Fang: "Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb...?"
Goliath: "Thomas Edison would be rolling in his grave had he heard you ask that."
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Fang: "Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb...?"
Goliath: "Florescent or regular?"
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Fang: "Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb...?"
Goliath: "Silly mutate, lightbulbs are for humans."
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb...?"
"Screwing lightbulbs?! What sorcery is THIS??!!"
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
None. By the time they got it screwed in, they'd all be stone when they need to turn it off.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
It would take all of them to catch Bronx first, who would think the lightbulb was a chew toy and later try to bury it.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
If it takes more than one gargoyle then we should be asking, "How many lightbulbs does it take to piss them all off before they rip the socket out of the ceiling?"
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
If it's the lightbulb that powers the clocktower, that's got to be ONE...HUGE...lightbulb.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb..."
**slight pause**
"Give up? None. With eyes like those who needs bulbs!" **chuckles** "Ahh, I crack myself up."
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but he would need a human to buy the lightbulb or steal it from the stockroom in the police station
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three-
One to say, "What would you want with a lightbulb? You've got shiny eyes,"
One to whine about turning the lightbulb into a planter,
And one and a starfleet to actually change it.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Gargoyles do not screw in lightbulbs, they ROAR!!!
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five--
A fat one to eat the original bulb,
A lanky red one to criticice the fat one's eating habits,
A large purple one to flare his eyes for light while the bulb is being changed,
A small green one to actually do the changing,
And an old brown one to yell, "SORCERY!" when the new bulb turns on.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
how many gargoyles??? i asked Anubis, he said:
"the lightbulb has died, let it rest. ultraviolet or standard, 55 or 100 watt, all light bulb are equal in death. burning out is the ultimate fairness..."
ahhhhh
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb..."
Five
One to figure out what is wrong with the lightbulb.
One to go get a new one 'without' breaking it again.
One to figure out how to take out the bad one.
One to figure out how to put in the good one.
and One to put in the good one.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Four. Lex has to determine which tool to use, Broadway has to complain about how long he hasn't eaten, Brooklyn has to do it with so much flair he fails, and finally Angela screws it in.
Just thought I'd take a stab at it . . . Yeah-kay. Biyo!
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
How many Gargoyles?
Just one, as soon as you get the good Dr. Sevarius to replace those clumsy gargoyle's hands with some Lightbulb friendly human ones.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to berate themselves for not protecting the old one from burning out."
a smile, a palpable smile, I do confess it.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb."
Well, you just need one to intimidate the human into doing it.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST (and I consider this all one entry btw :-)
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: I'm home right now and the answer is in my office. Ask again later.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: Your assumptions are incorrect.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: I'm not that big in quantifying things. Lots, I guess.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightblub?"
Greg responds: What's a lightblub?
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: All things are true.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: I wouldn't want to tie down my hands and the hands of the artists in this respect.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Greg responds: The world may never know. :-)
Okay, this made me laugh. Not sure how to get this into Fang's mouth, but in the meantime...
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Fang> Hey, yo Goliath! How many Gargoyles does it take to screw in a light bulb, huh?
Goliath> I give up, how many Gargoyles does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fang> About as many as the number of light bulbs that can be screwed into a gargoyle!
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
Fang> Hey, yo Goliath. How many Gargoyles does it take to screw in a light bulb, huh?
Goliath> I'm not sure Fang, but it only takes one to screw an annoying, bug zapping mutate into the wall to provide illumination.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"Two - but how can they fit inside a lightbulb?"
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. A gargoyle can no more stop guarding the castle than stop breathing the air. And changing lightbulbs does NOT count as "protecting the castle", Xanatos!
tfp
"LIGHTBULB CONTEST"
How many Gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause only the short one could figure out how a lightbulb works.
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb..."
Four!
One to screw it in and three more to hold off the Quarrymen!
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb..."
None! They are all stoned!!
tfp
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
None. Whoever has the Phoenix Gate will go back in time and make sure the light bulb doesn't go out.
TFP
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
None, they only screw criminals.
TFP.
LIGHTBULB CONTEST
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
Are you kidding? They won't even change their loincloths!
Uh... ewwww.
Anyway, it goes in the contest file until I can finally get through September and judge all the entries.
Thanks for playing.
"How many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
I dunno, how many you got?
And FINALLY, the contest begins. This goes on file til all the entries are in.
in the gargoyles universe, why did the chicken cross the road?
i'm not telling a joke, i'm looking for an answer. i swear theres a good one here somewhere... and this will keep me busy til the next contest!
To find out how many gargoyles it takes to screw in a lightbulb, I guess.
Poor Fang. Never even got to say the punchline...
Here's the set-up:
"Hey, Goliath, how many gargoyles does it take to screw in a lightbulb..."
Time for our next ASK GREG contest. It's simple and subjective. Finish the joke. The punchline that gives me the biggest laugh wins a prize of no real value, but hopefully of some mild interest.
A few rules:
1. Since we're giving out a prize, no anonymous entries will be accepted. I'll ask Todd to delete them before I even see them.
2. All posts must be clearly marked with "LIGHTBULB CONTEST" in capital letters at the head of the post.
3. Don't ask additional questions with your entry. In fact I'd recommend that you don't include anything that might distract me from laughing at your joke.
4. Spelling COUNTS!!!
5. You may enter as many times as you wish. But each entry MUST be posted seperately. Try to be selective and funny. BEWARE!!! If I sense that you're just taking multiple random stabs at it in order to try and win by the shotgun method, it may prejudice me against you.
6. I'm acknowledging up front that this is a completely subjective contest. You (many or even all of you) may not agree with my final choice. But the decisions of the judges (i.e. yours truly) are final.
7. We will accept entries posted before the end of September, 2001. I'll decide on the winner AFTER I've read all the September posts. (So figure on November, HOPEFULLY.)
One last bit of random incentive, if we ever do make BAD GUYS, I will give Fang the opportunity to complete his joke, using (with permission) the winning entry.