G2009 Radio Play

G2009 Radio Play - Act Two

BIG MAN STANDS.

247. NARRATOR
Act Two. The Big Man of Crime enters his offices, but finds he’s not alone…

248. BIG MAN
You spend so much time here, I’ll need to buy you your own chair. So you’ll stay out of mine.

Green Goblin STANDS.

249. GREEN GOBLIN
Surprised to see me?

250. BIG MAN
Not particularly.

251. GREEN GOBLIN
Then you won’t be surprised to learn I’m still running things…

252. BIG MAN
If you can run them from a hospital bed…

253. NARRATOR
Catching Gobby off guard, Lincoln punches him right through the window…

254. GREEN GOBLIN
<impact grunt>

255. NARRATOR
The goblin-glider swoops in and catches the Goblin, who pulls out a Pumpkin Bomb.

PUMPKIN BOMB STANDS.

256. GREEN GOBLIN
Ever the gracious host. And ever the gracious guest, the Goblin must show his appreciation. Here. I brought a gift.

257. NARRATOR
Gobby throws his “gift”, but Goliath swoops in, catches it and throws it back.

Goliath and Spider-Man STAND.

258. PUMPKIN BOMB
<shriek>

259. GREEN GOBLIN
<impact>

260. NARRATOR
Not far away…

261. SPIDER-MAN
No, no, no, no, no… I was hoping I’d never hear that trademark Pumpkin Bomb shriek again…

262. NARRATOR
Spidey swings in to find Goliath and a recovering Gobby together…

263. SPIDER-MAN
So that’s what these gargoyles are… more of the Goblin’s Halloween creations…

264. NARRATOR
Spidey swings into action against Goliath.

265. GOLIATH, SPIDER-MAN
<ad-lib battle sounds>

266. GOLIATH
The Bugle was right about you: you are a threat and a menace!

267. SPIDER-MAN
Wait, you can talk? And read?! And what you read is the Jolly One’s editorials?!

268. GREEN GOBLIN
I know I should assassinate Mr. Lincoln. But I’m so enjoying the show. Really, someone should make more Gargoyles. I know: I’ll call Walt Disney.

Green Goblin, Spider-Man, Goliath, Pumpkin Bomb and Big Man sit. ANGELA, BROOKLYN, BROADWAY and LEXINGTON STAND.

269. NARRATOR
Meanwhile, atop the Eyrie Building, Brooklyn, Lexington and Broadway watch Angela playing with Brooklyn’s son Nashville…

270. ANGELA
That’s great, Nashville. This time try the axe…

271. BROADWAY
Wow, Angela looks so adorable playing with Gnash. I mean, Gnash is cute too…

272. BROOKLYN
Thanks. I know he hatched in another decade, but Katana and I discussed it, and we want the whole clan to be Gnash and Egwardo’s Rookery parents…

273. BROADWAY
We’d be honored…

274. LEXINGTON
I still can’t quite take it all in. I go to Britain for a few weeks, and everything changes…

275. BROADWAY
At least you were gone for weeks. Try adjusting in forty seconds.

276. BROOKLYN
Hey, I had forty years to get ready for this, and it’s still strange…

277. LEXINGTON
But, dude. You’re so… old.

278. BROOKLYN
Thanks.

279. LEXINGTON
Older than Goliath.

280. BROOKLYN
Yeah.

281. LEXINGTON
Almost Hudson’s age.

282. BROOKLYN
I get it. I’m old.

283. LEXINGTON
It’s not that. Everything about you is different.

284. BROOKLYN
Oh, come on…

285. BROADWAY
No, he’s right. The way you talk. The way you move. All those weapons you carry now. It’s like you’ve outgrown us.

286. BROOKLYN
That’s not fair. I can’t tell you how much I missed you both.

287. LEXINGTON
We get that. And we’re not mad. But…

288. BROOKLYN
Look, this isn’t all on me. As I recall, things were already changing. Broadway spent all his time with Angela.

289. BROADWAY
Not all my time.

290. LEXINGTON
Uh… pretty much.

291. BROADWAY
Yeah, well, you’re practically on the internet non-stop.

292. LEXINGTON
It’s addictive! Do you know they have porn on that thing? There’s this one website, Blue Mug Prodâ€"

293. BROOKLYN
I don’t wanna know. The point is we’ve all gone through some changes. That’s just life.

294. BROADWAY
I guess our Three Musketeer days are over…

295. LEXINGTON
Yeah…

Zafiro and Obsidiana STAND.

296. ZAFIRO
Gargoyles of Manhattan!

297. OBSIDIANA
We need you’re help!

298. NARRATOR
At just that moment, the sun rises, turning Brooklyn, Lexington, Broadway, Angela and Gnash to stone. Obsidiana and Zafiro are unaffected, thanks to their mystic Mayan pendants.

299. ZAFIRO
Mierda.

300. OBSIDIANA
Nuestro cronometraje apesta hoy.

Obsidiana, Zafiro, Lexington, Broadway, Brooklyn and Angela sit. Spider-Man, Green Goblin and Pumpkin Bomb STAND.

301. NARRATOR
Across town, Goliath also turns to stone.

302. SPIDER-MAN
What the heck?!

303. GREEN GOBLIN
Well, that was… unexpected.

304. SPIDER-MAN
All right, that’s enough. I know you’re not the real Gobby.

305. GREEN GOBLIN
Yes, yes, “It’s not the voice; it’s the words. Not the tech, but the moves.” I’ve heard it all before…

306. SPIDER-MAN
Then I know exactly who you really are: Chameleon!

307. GREEN GOBLIN
That would ease your conscience, wouldn’t it? To think I’m Chameleon â€" and not the ghost of the man you killed!

308. SPIDER-MAN
I don’t believe in ghosts.

309. GREEN GOBLIN
Then maybe you’d prefer I was the Spawn of Goblin.

310. SPIDER-MAN
Oh, you’d just love to shift the blame to Harry. Sorry, Gobby â€" I mean, Chammy â€" but we’ve been there, done that. Besides, no matter who you are, there hasn’t been time for the Globulin Green to kick in and truly Goblify you. So I’m gonna take you down now while you’re still just a cheap imitation.

311. GREEN GOBLIN
You could do that… or you could save stoneface over there.

312. NARRATOR
Gobby throws a pumpkin bomb at Goliath. Instinctively, Spidey webs it away…

313. PUMPKIN BOMB
<shriek>

Pumpkin Bomb and Green Goblin sit.

314. NARRATOR
By which time, the Goblin is gone, leaving a confused Spidey perched on Goliath’s head…

315. SPIDER-MAN
So in hindsight, I’m thinking maybe you weren’t part of the Gob-Squad, right?
(beat)
Fine. Stonewall me.

May STANDS.

316. NARRATOR
That morning in Forest Hills, Spidey sneaks in through his bedroom window, hoping to catch a few Zs.

317. MAY
Peter, are you awake.

318. PETER
Uh, sure Aunt May. Just getting dressed.

319. MAY
Well, hurry up. I’m… “conferencing” with all the other parents.

Robbie, ROSIE THOMPSON and George STAND.

320. ROBBIE
Are you sure you don’t mind, Mrs. Parker? Cuz I gotta say, what you’re proposing would be my worst nightmare.

321. MAY
<laughs> Oh, I don’t believe that for a minute, Mr. Robertson. It’s a joy to be around Peter and his friends. And I won’t be alone. Anna Watson and Mrs. Osborn will be with me.

322. ROSIE
Emily? She’s so… odd. I don’t think she’s ever said one word to me…

323. MAY
Well, I don’t know her very well, Rosie, but Harry is Peter’s best friend â€" no offense to your Eugene â€" so she must be doing something right.

324. ROSIE
May, you never change. Always seeing the best in people.

325. MAY
I’ll take that as a compliment, dear girl.

326. GEORGE
In any case, I’m glad to get Gwen out of Manhattan for a few days. The streets are looking pretty grim right about now.

327. MAY
Oh, I’m sure your officers will have things under control in no time.

328. PETER
Aunt May, what’s going on?

329. MAY
Oh, didn’t I tell you, Peter. I’m chaperoning your trip to Miami Beach!

330. PETER
Wow. Great.

Peter, May, George, Rosie and Robbie sit. Big Man and Dominique STAND.

331. NARRATOR
Meanwhile, back at L. Thompson Lincoln’s office…

332. BIG MAN
And how can I be of help, Ms. Destine.

333. DOMINIQUE
I think I can help you, Mr. Lincoln.

334. BIG MAN
What makes you think I need any help?

335. DOMINIQUE
Oh, little things. The shattered window, that unusual statue on the ledge outside…

336. BIG MAN
Point taken. How about you cut to the chase?

337. DOMINIQUE
Fine. Tony Dracon. Tomas Brod. Silvio Manfredi. All in jail. Hammerhead. Sable Manfredi. On the run. This gives you a unique opportunity to reclaim what was lost.

338. BIG MAN
I’m sure L. Thompson Lincoln has no idea what you’re talking about. But go on…

339. DOMINIQUE
You have three problems. Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus and the government watching your every move.

340. BIG MAN
And you have the solution…

341. DOMINIQUE
I have the manpower. Three… “super-villains” to take down the competition and Dominic Dracon to use as a figurehead.

342. BIG MAN
The old man? I heard he was shy a few brain cells.

343. DOMINIQUE
It’s easy enough to spread the word he was faking insanity to avoid prosecution. And easy enough to assign him a keeper. Meanwhile, he’s a Dracon. And that name still carries weight, I believe.

344. BIG MAN
It does. But what would you want in exchange?

345. DOMINIQUE
Nothing extraordinary. Just the services of the Tinkerer.

346. BIG MAN
I believe that can be arranged.

347. DOMINIQUE
Lovely. But let’s not allow the moss to gather. You’ll want to move fast. Before the Octopus retrieves his arms…

Dominique and Big Man sit. SILVER SPOON MANAGER, Vulture, DOCTOR OCTOPUS and Electro STAND.

348. NARRATOR
The weather has turned cold. At the Silver Spoon, three men in trench coats and hats wait for their coffee.

349. SILVER SPOON MANAGER
Sixty-nine!

350. VULTURE
Yes. Here.

351. NARRATOR
Vulture sits down with Electro and Doctor Octopus.

352. DOCTOR OCTOPUS
Thank you, Adrian. Now. My arms?

353. VULTURE
In an OsCorp vault.

354. ELECTRO
At Rykers?!

355. VULTURE
<shhhhh> Not THE Vault. A vault. Still very high security, and the police are bound to expect our arrival, but…

356. DOCTOR OCTOPUS
Indeed. <sigh> OsCorp. Even in death, Norman Osborn torments me. But it cannot be helped. I must have my arms. We go in under cover of darkness tonight.

Doctor Octopus, Vulture and Electro sit. Silver Spoon Manager remains standing. Peter and Mary Jane STAND.

357. NARRATOR
The three men exit through one door. Two teenagers enter through another.

358. SILVER SPOON MANAGER
Seventy!

359. MARY JANE
Try to understand, Tiger. I just can’t do that to Gwen. She’s really become my best friend at Midtown.

360. PETER
But it’s not like we’d be making out or anything, right? Uh, right?

361. MARY JANE
Right.

362. PETER
Right, right. We’d be going as friends. Hanging out when the couples were … you know, coupling.

363. MARY JANE
And that would be great. But look at it from her point of view. She took all the risks, and you still wound up with Liz. There’s no way, she’d see me as anything but a threat. Wait, that sounded really conceited.

364. PETER
Have you looked in a mirror? Not conceited. Just fact.

365. MARY JANE
Ooh, nice one. Such a player.

366. PETER
Yeah, right. The world’s loneliest player.

367. MARY JANE
Stop it. I know you don’t want to hurt Gwen either. Not after all the two of you have been through.

368. PETER
Yeah… I wonder if Ms. Brant likes Miami. Kidding, kidding… Wow, pretty good. That was practically the Look.

369. SILVER SPOON MANAGER
Seventy-One!

SEYMOUR O’REILLY stands.

370. PETER
So you’re just not going?

371. MARY JANE
Oh, I’m going. It’s 48 degrees outside and 82 in Miami. I asked Tiny to be my plus one.

372. PETER
Tiny?! Tiny McKeever?! The guy’s got the brain of an amoeba. He makes King Kong look like a genius. Hell, he makes Flash look like Stephen Hawking!

373. MARY JANE
(shrugs)
He’s cute.

374. PETER
<argggh> I just wish I could skip the whole thing. But Aunt May’s going, and after her heart attack, I really think she could use some fun in the sun--

375. SEYMOUR
Sorry to interrupt. Couldn’t help overhearing.

376. PETER
Oh, hey, Seymour.

377. SEYMOUR
Just wanted to let you know Harry invited me too. And I’m totally going stag. I mean who wants a ball and chain when Miami Beach is full of hotties, right?

378. PETER
Uh…

379. SEYMOUR
Just don’t expect to hang out, okay. You’d fully cramp my style.

380. PETER
Of course I would…

381. SILVER SPOON MANAGER
Seventy-two!!

Silver Spoon Manager, Peter, Seymour and Mary Jane sit. Dominique and TINKERER STAND.

382. NARRATOR
Meanwhile, the Tinkerer arrives at the Destine Mansion…

383. DOMINIQUE
You have the devices?

384. TINKERER
Five was all I could put together on short notice. Unless you want to bring Mysterio in…?

385. DOMINIQUE
Our stage is crowded enough. And five should do quite nicely.

Dominique and Tinkerer sit. May, Mary Jane, GREG BISHANSKY, Sally, Gwen, Harry, Kong, Rand, Flash, Liz, Jason, Peter and Seymour STAND.

386. NARRATOR
Later that afternoon, Harry’s rented a party bus, and the gang is en route to the airport, stuck in heavy traffic on the expressway. A very prepared May Parker has a clipboard…

387. MAY
All right, we have three adults and sixteen children â€" sorry, sixteen teenagers. That’s nineteen sojourners bound for Florida. So why did my headcount come to twenty?

388. MARY JANE
I think you counted the bus driver, Mrs. Parker.

389. MAY
Oh, that I did.

390. BISHANSKY
Hey, twist my arm! I’ll go to Miami with you guys!!

391. SALLY
Was anyone talking to you?

392. BISHANSKY
Uh… no.

393. SALLY
Then eyes front.

394. BISHANSKY
Eyes front.

395. GWEN
Harry, are you all right?

396. HARRY
I dunno. All this stopping and starting. My stomach’s a little queasy…

397. KONG
Dude. Does this bus rock or what?!

398. RAND
‘Scool.

399. FLASH
Damn right it’s cool. Wouldn’t mind taking this baby all the way to Florida.

400. SALLY
Excuse me?! It’s a bus.

401. LIZ
Sally’s right. We’re not ditching the private jet for a bus. Right, Jason?

402. JASON
Uh…

403. SALLY
Right.

404. PETER
It really is a very nice bus though.

405. BISHANSKY
Hey, I’m not offended. I still can’t believe the Osborns hired me again. The last time, I got in two-- <impact grunt>

406. SEYMOUR
Dude, you totally rear-ended that guy at the tollbooth!

407. BISHANSKY
Not again…

408. SALLY
Wonderful. Now, we’ll be stuck here forever!

409. MAY
Everybody stay calm.

410. HARRY
Ah, man, gotta use the john…

411. KONG
<laughs> I think Osborn’s gonna hurl!

412. SALLY
Oh. My. God! If my hair starts smelling like vomit, I’ll sue you for bus-driver malpractice!!

413. BISHANSKY
Sorry, sorry…

Bishansky, Sally, Kong, Harry, May, Seymour, Peter, Jason, Liz, Flash, Rand, Gwen and Mary Jane sit. Brooklyn, Lexington, Broadway, Zafiro and Obsidiana STAND.

414. NARRATOR
The sun sets. At the castle, the gargoyles awaken…

415. BROOKLYN, BROADWAY, LEXINGTON
<awakening roars>

416. BROOKLYN
You must be Zafiro.

417. ZAFIRO
How did you know?

418. BROOKLYN
Strong family resemblance.

419. ZAFIRO
¿Perdón?

420. BROOKLYN
Long story. Time travel. The future. A whole other spin-off. Two actually…

421. OBSIDIANA
We don’t have time for your “spin-offs”. ¿Donde esta Goliath?

422. BROADWAY
He didn’t sleep here.

423. LEXINGTON
But I’m sure he’ll be back soon.

Elisa STANDS.

424. ELISA
He’d better. We have trouble. Demona trouble.

425. OBSIDIANA
Elisa!

426. ELISA
Hi, Obsidiana. I’m betting you have trouble too…

Elisa, Obsidiana, Lexington, Broadway, Brooklyn and Zafiro sit. Kraven, Calypso, Curt and Gulyadkin STAND.

427. NARRATOR
And while the clan awaits Goliath’s return…

428. KRAVEN
It is time, Calypso.

429. CALYPSO
Yes. The forces gather. We can make this one our own.

430. CURT
I demand you let me go!

431. KRAVEN
Hold your tongue, American dog. Or Gulyadkin will hold it for you.

432. GULYADKIN
<low lion growl>

433. CALYPSO
Calm yourself… This change will not be difficult. The primitive bound within is barely skin-deep…

434. CURT
I-- I don’t know what you’re talking about.

435. CALYPSO
I think you do. You see my companion. The details may have been created in a laboratory…

436. KRAVEN
But the soul of the Hunter â€" the beast inside â€" was always my own.

437. CURT
What are doing with that doll?

438. CALYPSO
Turning it inside out.

439. CURT
Listen to me, please. Even if you can release the “beast inside”, you don’t want to! It can’t be controlled.

440. KRAVEN
<laughs> Nyet. Not by you perhaps. But my Calypso is not so easily trifled with.

441. CALYPSO
It is time…

442. CURT
Noooo!!!! <transformation scream>

443. NARRATOR
Curt Connors is transformed by Calypso’s magic into the Lizard.

444. LIZARD
<roar>

445. KRAVEN
Now… to the Hunt!

Kraven, LIZARD, Calypso and Gulyadkin sit. Obsidiana, Zafiro, Angela, Elisa, Goliath, Broadway and Brooklyn STAND.

446. NARRATOR
Back at the Castle, Goliath has returned, and the entire clan has gathered. Elisa’s revealed what she knows about Demona. Now, it’s Obsidiana’s turn…

447. OBSIDIANA
It came from somewhere further south. Two human smugglers carrying an object of great power through the Green…

448. ZAFIRO
My mate is sensitive to these things. We tracked them, but they boarded a jet airplane and were soon out of our reach.

449. OBSIDIANA
Pero still I could sense great forces gathering. I asked Jade and Turquesa to teach us the way to Avalon…

450. ZAFIRO
Gabriel says hello, by the way.

451. ANGELA
Oh, I miss him. How is he?

452. ELISA
Angela, honey, let’s stay on point. I take it Avalon sent you here.

453. OBSIDIANA
Yes. We nearly achieved the totem, but a ridiculous human dressed in red and blueâ€"

454. ELISA, GOLIATH (UNISON)
Spider-Man…

455. OBSIDIANA
He did spin webs like a spider. Though from his hands, not hisâ€"

456. ZAFIRO
Focus, mi amor.

457. OBSIDIANA
Lo siento. This Man-Spider, he interfered. The smugglers escaped again. Now, power builds on power, rising to a crescendo.

458. BROADWAY
And that’s bad, right?

459. NARRATOR
Elisa’s cellphone rings.

Matt STANDS.

460. ELISA
Maza.

461. MATT
It’s Matt. Something’s going down at the OsCorp vault off the Expressway. Most of the Taskforce is already here. Stacy and his men too. But I’m thinking we might need… “back-up”. Lots and lots of back-up.

462. ELISA
We’re on our way. Brooklyn, can Bronx and Fu-Dog baby-sit Egwardo?

463. BROOKLYN
Of course.

464. ELISA
Good. Because otherwise it’s all hands on deck.

Elisa, Brooklyn, Broadway, Obsidiana, Zafiro, Goliath and Angela sit. George, Morgan and O’Neil STAND.

465. MATT
Okay, Captain. The rest of the Taskforce is on its way.

466. GEORGE
My men are deployed.

467. O’NEIL
And just in time! Cuz we got Gobby and his Pumpkin-Heads at 12 o’clock!

Green Goblin and Pumpkin Bomb STAND.

468. GREEN GOBLIN
Playtime!

469. PUMPKIN BOMB
<shriek>

470. MORGAN
And a gargoyle at 3 o’clock!

471. GEORGE
That’s not a gargoyle. That’s the Vulture!

Vulture STANDS.

472. VULTURE
You were right, Otto. The police were waiting. And the Goblin is here too. You don’t think it could actually be Osborn, still alive, do you?

Doctor Octopus and Electro STAND.

473. DOCTOR OCTOPUS
Do not get distracted by old grudges, Adrian. It hardly matters who wears the Green. His intent is still to prevent me from regaining my arms. You must keep the Goblin and the authorities occupied.

474. VULTURE
Of course.

475. DOCTOR OCTOPUS
Now, Electro. Open the vault.

476. ELECTRO
Roger that, Doc!

477. NARRATOR
Electro, already inside, short-circuits the vault’s electro-magnetic lock.

Tinkerer and Demona STAND.

478. TINKERER
Electro’s breached the vault.

479. DEMONA
So predictable. Send in your operatives.

480. NARRATOR
Tinkerer opens a burlap sack, releasing his five “operatives”.

HOMUNCULUS #1, HOMUNCULUS #2, HOMUNCULUS #3, HOMUNCULUS #4 and HOMUNCULUS #5 STAND.

481. HOMUNCULUS #1
Homunculi to the rescue!

482. HOMUNCULUS #2
Dirty work to be done!

483. HOMUNCULUS #3
Peach Cobbler!

484. HOMUNCULUS #4
Uh oh, somebody’s language system’s off-line again.

485. HOMUNCULUS #5
You know it, girlfriend!

Calypso, Kraven and Lizard STAND.

486. NARRATOR
And down in the sewer…

487. CALYPSO
It is right above us, my love. The Power and the Glory. The very keys to the Kingdom.

488. KRAVEN
And Kraven will lay them all at your feet.

489. LIZARD
<lizard roar>

490. NARRATOR
Up top, a stretch limo skids to a stop outside the vault. Dominic Dracon and Fancy Dan emerge.

Dracon and FANCY DAN STAND.

491. DRACON
All right, boys. Get me those jewels!

492. FANCY DAN
I think what the boss means is… Destroy the competition!

Carnage, Colonel Jupiter and Venom STAND.

493. CARNAGE
<evil chuckle> Carnage time?

494. FANCY DAN
Yeah. Go. Kill. Whatever.

495. COLONEL JUPITER
Colonel Jupiter will stop the Green Goblin and Vulture in their tracks!

496. FANCY DAN
Knock yourself out. But what are you waiting for?

497. VENOM
Someone worthy of our hate. But we have faith… He’ll come…

498. GREEN GOBLIN
My, my, the field’s getting crowded. Let’s thin the herd. Pumpkin-Heads, release the hounds! <ahem> That was a metaphor. Throw your pumpkin bombs already!

499. PUMPKIN BOMB
<multiple shrieks>

Pumpkin Bomb, Green Goblin, Venom, Fancy Dan, Colonel Jupiter, Carnage, Dracon, Lizard, Kraven, Calypso, Homunculus #5, Homunculus #4, Homunculus #3, Homunculus #2, Homunculus #1, Demona, Tinkerer, Electro, Doctor Octopus, Vulture, George, Morgan, O’Neil and Matt SIT. May, Peter, Bishansky, Flash, Kong, Sally, Mary Jane, Gwen and Harry STAND.

500. MAY
Goodness, what was that?

501. PETER
Something The Bugle will want pictures of. Open the door.

502. BISHANSKY
Uh…

503. MAY
Peter Parker, I am not letting you off this bus in the middle of the expressway.

504. PETER
Aunt May we’re at a complete standstill. And you don’t have to worry. I’ll use my telephoto lens. I won’t be anywhere near the action.

505. MAY
I suppose it is your job… Open the door.

506. BISHANSKY
Yes, ma’am.

507. PETER
Thanks, Aunt May. You rock!

508. FLASH
If Puny Parker’s going, I’m going too!

509. MAY
Eugene Thompson, you sit your backside down in that seat right this minute.

510. FLASH
Yes, ma’am.

511. KONG
<laughs>

512. SALLY
What’s he going to take pictures with? I saw his camera get blown up two months ago.

513. MARY JANE
Pete’s a professional photographer, Sally. I’m sure he has more than one camera.

514. GWEN
Harry… Are you all right in there?

515. HARRY
<vomit noise> Ugh, don’t come in. It really isn’t pretty.

Harry, Gwen, Mary Jane, Sally, Kong, Flash, May, Peter and Bishansky sit. Broadway, Goliath, Brooklyn, Angela, Elisa, Zafiro and Obsidiana STAND.

516. NARRATOR
The clan alights on a rise overlooking the battlefield.

517. BROADWAY
Whoa, what a mess…

518. GOLIATH
We will split our forces. Brooklyn, Lexington, Broadway, Obsidiana, Zafiro with me.

519. BROOKLYN
Shouldn’t I lead the other contingent?

520. GOLIATH
I need your experience and your weapons at my side.

521. ANGELA
Don’t worry, Brooklyn, we’ve got it covered.

522. NARRATOR
Angela, Hudson, Katana, Gnash, Coldstone and Coldfire glide toward the battle.

523. BROOKLYN, BROADWAY (UNISON)
Be careful!

Angela sits.

524. ELISA
You know I’m going with you.

525. GOLIATH
Not this time, Elisa. You must join your fellow officers…

526. ELISA
Butâ€"

527. GOLIATH
When all is settled, we shall need your help to cover our retreat from this conflagration… You know this is true.

528. ELISA
(defeated)
Yes.

Elisa sits. Spider-Man STANDS.

529. NARRATOR
Elisa makes her way down the hill. Goliath and the others glide to the Vault’s roof. Spider-Man lands there at the same time.

530. SPIDER-MAN, ZAFIRO (UNISON)
You again!

531. GOLIATH
Hold, Spider-Man. I have a friend who knows your Captain Stacy.

532. SPIDER-MAN
Really?

533. GOLIATH
This policeman believes in you. So I choose to believe in you as well.

534. SPIDER-MAN
Says the eight-foot tall medieval monster. But I get it. We’re on the same side. So let’s go kick some Pumpkin-Butt!

535. ZAFIRO
¡Idiota! That battle is a mere distraction.

536. OBSIDIANA
The true danger lies within…

537. SPIDER-MAN
All right, all right, you had me at “Idiota”.

538. NARRATOR
The gargoyles rip open the rooftop. The seven heroes descend, but someone watches…

Spider-Man, Obsidiana, Zafiro, Goliath, Broadway and Brooklyn sit. Venom and Fancy Dan STAND.

539. VENOM
And there goes our Bro…

540. FANCY DAN
You going in? That wasn’t the plan!

541. VENOM
And how do intend to stop us?

542. FANCY DAN
Fine, go. But if you see my Ricochet suit, bring it out!

Fancy Dan and Venom sit. Foswell, Jonah and Robbie STAND.

543. FOSWELL
See, J.J. The tip from Dracon’s old chauffer was right on the money.

544. JONAH
Whaddaya want, a fershlugginer medal?! Let’s get in there!

545. ROBBIE
Slow down, Jonah. I promised Joan I wouldn’t let you lose your head, figuratively or literally.

546. JONAH
Forget my head! Who cares about my head?! My boy needs me!

Ned and Colonel Jupiter STAND.

547. NED
Looks to me like your boy’s doing pretty well, Chief!

548. COLONEL JUPITER
Take that, miscreants!

549. ROBBIE
Ned, how did youâ€"

550. NED
Tip from one of the pumpkin-heads. Foswell’s not the only one with sources.

551. JONAH
You two can naked mud-wrestle over who’s the biggest brown-noser later. For now, Robbie, if you don’t let go of me in zero-point-zero seconds, I’ll dropkick you to next Season! And there’s no guarantee there’ll be a next Season!

552. NARRATOR
Jonah breaks away from Robbie, but his path is blocked…

Elisa STANDS.

553. ELISA
Get back! You want to wind up street pizza!

554. JONAH
But that’s my son up there.

555. ELISA
Yeah, well, at least he’s fighting on the right side.

556. COLONEL JUPITER
Nothing stands against the might of Colonel Jupiter!

557. ELISA
Does he always talk like that?

558. ROBBIE
Bombasticism runs in the family.

Robbie, Elisa, Colonel Jupiter, Jonah, Ned and Foswell sit. Vulture, Carnage, Green Goblin, Angela, Fancy Dan, Matt and Dracon STAND.

559. NARRATOR
Jupiter takes down Pumpkin-Heads right and left. Hudson squares off against Vulture.

560. VULTURE
Why do I get the old guy?

561. NARRATOR
You’re old. He’s old. It’s parallelism. Get over it.
(beat)
Coldstone and Coldfire isolate Carnage.

562. CARNAGE
No fair! These two don’t spatter at all!

563. NARRATOR
Angela and Katana take on the Goblin.

564. GREEN GOBLIN
Oh, goody. Gobby likes getting down and dirty with the hotties.

565. ANGELA
Oh, you did not just say that.

566. NARRATOR
And little Gnash goes after Fancy Dan.

567. FANCY DAN
Admit it, you gave me the kid because I’m short?

568. NARRATOR
Even Detective Bluestone gets into the act.

569. MATT
Freeze, Dracon!

570. DRACON
You’re confused. I’m G.F. Benton, a certified public accountant. I think I’ll be going now…

571. MATT
Yeah. Back to Ravencroft, you old nutter!

572. NARRATOR
But inside, things are a bit more serious…

Matt, Dracon, Fancy Dan, Angela, Green Goblin, Carnage and Vulture sit. Electro and Doctor Octopus STAND.

573. ELECTRO
Got your arms, Doc!

574. DOCTOR OCTOPUS
And my Megalo-Pack?

575. ELECTRO
You’re Mega-what now?

576. DOCTOR OCTOPUS
My power-source, Maxwell.

577. ELECTRO
Right, right. No. That’s not here.

578. DOCTOR OCTOPUS
What?!

Homunculus #1, Homunculus #2 and Homunculus #3 STAND.

579. HOMUNCULUS #1
Gotta get the true treasure!

580. HOMUNCULUS #2
Bring it back to the big Smurfette!

581. HOMUNCULUS #3
Blunk hates getting wet!

582. NARRATOR
Three Homunculi fly deeper into the vault to retrieve Demona’s prize.

Homunculus #3, Homunculus #2 and Homunculus #1 sit. Zafiro, Spider-Man, Lexington, Homunculus #5, Goliath, Brooklyn, Broadway and Obsidiana STAND.

583. ZAFIRO
What are those things?!

584. SPIDER-MAN, LEXINGTON (UNISON)
Robots!

585. LEXINGTON
And I got one!

586. HOMUNCULUS #5
Leggo, you big bully!

587. LEXINGTON
<ugh> What an annoying voice…

588. HOMUNCULUS #5
(aside to audience)
Look who’s talking.

589. LEXINGTON
…But I might be able to use it to take control of the others.

590. SPIDER-MAN
I think I can help.

Venom STANDS.

591. VENOM
You’ll be a little too busy for that, Bro.

592. GOLIATH
Friend of yours?

593. SPIDER-MAN
Once upon a time. Not so much now.

594. VENOM
Die, Spider-Man!

595. VENOM, SPIDER-MAN
<add-lib battle sounds>

596. SPIDER-MAN
A little help?

597. NARRATOR
Brooklyn blasts Venom, who collapses.

598. VENOM
<vibrating scream>

Venom sits.

599. BROOKLYN
Sonic Cannon. Circa 2198. Guess my weapons do come in handy.

600. LEXINGTON
Just cover me until I can get this working…

Demona and Tinkerer STAND.

601. DEMONA
What’s wrong, Tinkerer? Why haven’t they returned?

602. TINKERER
Someone’s trying to counter their programming. He won’t succeed.

603. DEMONA
He had better not.

604. LEXINGTON
My hack’s being hacked!

605. TINKERER
He’s overriding my override!

Homunculus #4 STANDS.

606. HOMUNCULUS #4
Go right. Go left. Go right. Go left. Blow up!

607. NARRATOR
Homunculus #4 blows up. But so does Homunculus #5 in Lexington’s hands!

608. LEXINGTON
<pain cry>

609. BROADWAY
Lexington!

Homunculus #4 and Homunculus #5 sit.

610. DOCTOR OCTOPUS
This is madness! Grab my arms and get me out of here!

611. ELECTRO
Workin’ on it!

612. NARRATOR
Electro blasts away, until he and Doc Ock are blindsided by…

Kraven, Gulyadkin, Lizard and Calypso STAND.

613. ELECTRO, DOCTOR OCTOPUS
<impacts>

614. BROADWAY
Look, it’s Claw.

615. KRAVEN
<roar>

616. BROOKLYN
That’s not Claw.

617. BROADWAY
Well, it’s sure not Maggie.

618. GULYADKIN
<lion roar>

619. LEXINGTON
(recovering)
Is that an actual lion?

620. LIZARD
<lizard roar>

621. SPIDER-MAN
Lizard, too? Seriously, this is way over the top.
Homunculus #1 and Homunculus #2 STAND.

622. HOMUNCULUS #1
Got the gizmo!

623. HOMUNCULUS #2
Homunculi never fail!

624. NARRATOR
Two homunculi fly past, carrying a sealed container down a dark corridor.

625. CALYPSO, OBSIDIANA (UNISON)
The totem!
(pointing at each other)
Don’t let her near it!

626. KRAVEN
Go, Calypso! Leave them to us!

627. ZAFIRO
¡Vaya, mi amor!

628. BROOKLYN
We got your back, Goliath! Go!

629. SPIDER-MAN
Think I’ll tag along too…

Spider-Man, Obsidiana, Calypso, Homunculus #2, Homunculus #1, Goliath, Tinkerer and Demona sit.

630. NARRATOR
Calypso, Obsidiana, Goliath and Spider-Man race down the corridor.

631. KRAVEN
Lizard, take the reptile!

632. ZAFIRO
¡No soy ningún reptil! ¡Soy un Gárgolo!

633. ZAFIRO, LIZARD
<ad-lib battle sounds>

634. KRAVEN
Gulyadkin attack!

635. GULYADKIN
<pounce roar>

636. NARRATOR
Gulyadkin and Kraven attack Lex and Broadway!

637. LEXINGTON
Hey, get him off me!

638. BROADWAY
Kinda busy at the moment!

639. GULYADKIN, LEXINGTON, KRAVEN, BROADWAY
<ad-lib struggles>

640. NARRATOR
Brooklyn steps in and pulls both cats off his rookery brothers. They turn on him.

641. BROOKLYN
Uh oh.

642. BROADWAY, LEXINGTON (UNISON)
All for one!

643. NARRATOR
The two gargoyles return the favor, knocking Kraven and Gulyadkin aside. Then Brooklyn blasts them both.

644. BROOKLYN
And one for all!

645. KRAVEN, GULYADKIN
<blast impacts>

646. LEXINGTON
Some things never change.

647. NARRATOR
Zafiro throws Lizard’s unconscious body on top of Kraven…

648. KRAVEN, LIZARD
<oofs>

649. ZAFIRO
We should follow Obsidiana…

650. ZAFIRO, BROOKLYN, LEXINGTON, BROADWAY
<electrocution scream>

651. NARRATOR
The four gargoyles are dropped by Electro’s blast.

652. ELECTRO
Still want out?

653. DOCTOR OCTOPUS
Indeed not. My curiosity is piqued. Let’s see where this leads…

Doctor Octopus, Electro, Broadway, Lexington, Brooklyn, Zafiro, Gulyadkin, Kraven and Lizard sit. Demona, Homunculus #1 and Homunculus #2 STAND.

654. NARRATOR
Electro and Octopus head down the corridor… In a dimly lit room, Demona holds the Spear of Destiny and watches as the two homunculi open the container. Inside… is a crown of thorns.

655. DEMONA
The Crown of Thorns!

656. NARRATOR
Demona removes her tiara.

657. DEMONA
Place it on my head…

658. HOMUNCULUS #1
Placing, placing…

659. HOMUNCULUS #2
Homunculi aim to please!

660. NARRATOR
The Homunculi gently lower the crown onto Demona’s head before disappearing back into the darkness. The thorns bite into her brow, drawing blood. Calypso, Obsidiana, Goliath and Spidey come rushing in.

Homunculus #2 and Homunculus #1 sit. Spider-Man, Goliath, Calypso and Obsidiana STAND.

661. DEMONA
My Kingdom come. My Will be done…

662. SPIDER-MAN
Friend of yours?

663. GOLIATH
Once upon a time. Not so much now.

664. DEMONA
On Earth as it is in Heaven…

665. CALYPSO
Too late…

666. OBSIDIANA
Too late…

667. DEMONA
For MINE is the Kingdom and the Power and the Glory for ever and ever…

668. CALYPSO, OBSIDIANA, SPIDER-MAN (UNISON)
Amen…

669. NARRATOR
Light radiates outward from the Spear. Goliath watches in confusion as Calypso, Obsidiana and Spider-Man drop to their knees before Demona. Octopus and Electro enter and likewise fall to their knees. The light reaches the outer vault. Though still unconscious, Venom, Lizard, Zafiro and Kraven lurch to their feet, then drop to their knees. And still the light advances…

Obsidiana and Calypso sit.

670. GOLIATH
What sorcery is this?!

671. DEMONA
The most powerful human sorcery ever created, Goliath. This is humanity’s Armageddon. Their entire race’s final act.

END ACT TWO

NEXT: ACT THREE...

JANUARY 20

This day in Gargoyles' Universe History....

January 20th...

1995
Demona attempts to poison Elisa Maza in order to lure Goliath to his doom. Knowing it's a trap, Goliath and Hudson take the bait in the hope they can reason with Demona. Demona shoots Goliath, and Hudson struggles to keep him alive and protect him from Demona until sunrise.

1996
Halcyon Renard puts his own soul inside the Golem's body, and his newfound power quickly goes to his head. Ultimately, however, he is made to see the error of his ways, and he returns the Golem to Max Loew, who uses it against Tomas Brod. Renard offers to take the travelers back to New York. But Goliath has concluded that there is a purpose to their travels. They return to Avalon to continue their odyssey.

JANUARY 19

This day in Gargoyles' Universe History....

January 19th...

1996
The travelers depart Avalon and arrive in Prague, where Halcyon Renard has made a devil's agreement with gangster Tomas Brod to acquire the Golem. Elisa Maza encounters Max Loew, who attempts to waken the Golem. But before he can, it is stolen by Brod, who turns it over to Renard.

AUGUST 3

This day in Gargoyles' Universe History....

August 3rd...

1996
Brod attacks Dracon in prison. But, the gargoyles help Elisa take down Brod, Dracon and most of their men. The gargoyles return to the Clock Tower, by which time Goliath, Hudson and Bronx have also returned. The Trio apologizes to Angela for their behavior. She forgives each of them with a peck on the cheek - just before the sun rises. Elisa's operation is a phenomenal success. Jack Dane, Pal Joey, Glasses and many other Brod and Dracon operatives are incarcerated. Dracon and Brod are even forced to share a cell.

AUGUST 2

This day in Gargoyles' Universe History....

August 2nd...

1996
Hudson destroys the battle-axe that tied Hakon to the Earth plane, permanently banishing the Viking's spirit. Goliath then defeats Wolf but gets hit in the face by a banana cream pie fired by Vinnie. Goliath and Hudson don't make it back to the Clock Tower before sunrise. Neither does Bronx, who's having his own adventure. Meanwhile, Brod attacks Glasses' chop shop with the help of Jack Dane and "Salli". But the raid is aborted when the police show up. Salli is knocked unconscious and witnesses very little that Elisa could testify to later. Angela and the Trio stumble into the situation, but the boys are too busy fighting over Angela to be of any help. After sunrise, Glasses visits Dracon in prison. Dracon orders Glasses to retaliate against Brod. Just before sundown, Matt brings Brod and Salli in for questioning. Salli slips away to the Clock Tower, where she reveals herself as Elisa and enlists the gargoyles' help. Salli then confers with Maria Chavez, and they agree to keep the undercover operation running for a while longer, despite the chop shop debacle. While Brod is at the police station, Dracon's men hit Brod operations all over town and even firebomb his favorite restaurant. Glasses also puts word out on the street that Dracon has a trainload of weapons coming in. Brod decides to steal the weapons. He attacks the train with Salli, but is ambushed by Glasses, Pal Joey and the rest of Dracon's men. The gargoyles intervene, but the Trio's competitiveness nearly gets Lex and Angela killed. Brod escapes again.